“Cortisol haze from stress makes chest a heavy weight almost feeling like suffocating and illness in the mornimg.
It likely doesn’t help that I must drink caffeine mixtures daily in order to be able to think and function…
I refuse to take pharmaceutical medications that will leave a worsened effect while they’d claim to address my symptoms.”
What’s the point of appointed rank
If one does not embody meaning?
They’d carry me upon a palanquin throne
But what use would I have of this display?
I’ll ride my own steed if I cannot walk paths
And cry in pain at night when’ve gone away!
(Title of multiple meanings)
“When I lift anything with noticeable weight, this hyper-compresses hip joints where flex got blown out by the car’s impact.
I’m hoping to regain flex by training with a rebounder.
I anticipate many setbacks, but hopefully will ultimately triumph.”
I’d like to think
I am getting better
Despite slow progress
Where time stretches
And barely things change
Regarding injuries
More easy to notice
Additional damage
Than to define healing
In more subtler degrees
When symptoms convey
Negative reinforcements
Perhaps to ensure attention
When senses return to you
Carefully roll over to a better vantage
Pick out gravel from stinging wounds
Rinse them clean if can find water
Scrabble if you can to next levels
Even if only inch by inch
Dragging your broken carcass
Laughing maniacally
After the fall
Baring your teeth aggressively
At scavengers and predators
Letting them know
They’ll go down with you
Until you can make it to higher ground
Where the grass is green
And flowers are blooming
As birds and butterflys and other creatures
Evidence proof of The Garden
And you can begin to reclaim
Your humanity
Again
—
(Stark contrast to booklet, “Chicken Soup For The Soul”)
“She could walk just fine, again…”
There is no consistency that
I can rely on in these injuries
Zones are identified in variations
That intermittently work or worsen
Which keep putting me back into
States of great anxietal insecurity
Because I never know what I can
Count on in performance abilities
Add onto this that in trying to heal
New injuries occur in shift-adjusting
And their effect upon limbic systrm
Is like treading minefield explosions
Periods of “maybe I’m safe” occur
Then on into new crisis responses
It’s mainly the lockdown
And warning impingings
Telling me my body
Cannot do as much
After already having
Pushed beyond limits
I’ll still get up and try by
Calculated workarounds
There are no words
For what I’m feeling
The trust needed
To rely upon you
To allow you to
Take on weight
How could I even give or
Know what to ask of you?
Being as it has all ultimately
Been up to me to guarantee
I only struggle harder now
For even smaller advances
Which honesty creates panic
When limbs need down time
It’s all I can do to
Step up to the old
Waiting in bed to let
Body catch up to self
Recovering from work efforts
Vs.
Networking for more marketing
Brief momentum
Dissipating relies
Upon regatherimg
Strength to push
I had a job under pressure, working my bootie off for so much less money, in a no-win, time-crunch situation.
But though I sweated and the timing was hectic, I could do it if paced myself – and I felt no pain with good muscle coordination.
It was nice in those dream moments to not be injured.
Spnning wheels
Over same tracks
Anything accomplished
Is just matter of opinion
Consumerism hunting
For this or that object
In day’s heat because
It is too hot to garden
Or to catch up on dishes
From broken dishwasher
Where ableism assumes
Shoulders have no limits
“My facial shadow profile is changing, as if I am somehow becoming cherubic – and I don’t know what to think or feel about this, except to observe it with bewilderment.”
Cupping can actually
Create abrassions in
The form of temporary
Red rashes like rosacea
Especially on the face that
Can say, “You what mate?”
And in a case with injuries
Muscle release destabilizes
Attempting to smooth out
And reconnect micro-fascia
A young father slow-trot bouncing his 5-6 year-old daughter on his shoulders in play fun.
(Awww – but cringing, “Ouch!”)
“I have figured out ways to descrease ankle edema swelling.”
Repost from December 14, 2024
“I might be at last gaining…”
Animation
Maybe she was getting better
It’s a luxury to remove the self
From dependency upon society
When could be marked disabled
The measure keeps up
Adjusts beleaguerement
Overwhelming to subdue
Flapping wings’ attempts
Dust clouds kicking rant
Of a life held face down
Kiss the ground
And be grateful
“DA** IT!”
Something’s
Reactivating
Fascial
Torsion
Recognizing patterns
Even if self’s fractured
Trusting cohesiveness
Will find other avenues
There must be exchanged benefit
For having taken on tons of force
(Title play with words)
“My toes can grip again!”
“My feet and legs are swelling – lol.”
“When the insurance company did their dirty trick of sending me to their “specialist” in order to discredit my validity, they tried and succeeded temporarily in strong-arming the lie that the accident injuries had been pre-existing.”
“I wasn’t upset about giving blood.
In fact, I thought I had my sh** together.
Until I didn’t – now struggling to recover.”
“The other knee tears in a different direction – likely due to further accommodation.
I just can’t afford to worry or care anymore about latest injury update communications.
I am still going to go forward – even if I unravel and fall apart into a pile of bones, organs, and tissues.
“Feel your way” can just take on new definitions as a determined blob inching along life’s bumbling highway.”
Thank you for the help and support
Play nicer where hurt and hindered
“My feet have changed width from the impact’s compression.
I tried getting into my hiking boots – which now squeeze too tightly along edges.”
“An assumption when one is injured and expects to be believed by agencies is that one should give up and act crippled in order to validate severity.
But quite aware of what’s been taken from me unconsentually and that time is essential for capitalizing, I have from the beginning – and still intend to – pushed to overcome these quandries.”
“I knew my quads could not engage and that the hamstring tear was prevented in healing due to a fusion of lateral hip and thigh tissues preventing the hip joint from tracking correctly.
But now as I feel medial internal ankle sudden-shifting and upper lateral hams quiver-attempt engaging, was the knee stuck as an anchor, mooring tight to the dock everything?”
“I should likely not be trying to stretch through this torn loosening to realign leg bones properly again after accident misalignment stickage – but I want to be able to walk normally someday, again!”
Candid Corvid Productions 