Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Well…
The latest in joint twist-pinching compression pretty much sucks.
What Ails
It seems better to keep to my self while reclaiming lost ground and seeking healing.
Fluttery
Sometimes, the nerves of my fingers twitch in a subconscious cascade effect.
Reemergence
It almost makes no sense to me how more of my physicality is returning to the surface with summer, after almost a year of swimming in deep waters of absentia.
Hitting Boundaries
I was small before, but now I am tall.
So tall now that I exceed limitations of my injuries, which keep trying to hamstring me.
Validation
They found another torn muscle.
Something Neat
Maybe my being there at that time helped save others and gave a lesson where needed.
Concepts in higher meaning…
(Leave A Light On/Talk Away The Dark – Papa Roach)
Angst
At this point, I have no idea what I will do for work – or even how I can return to work!
Going To Extremes
It doesn’t matter, this rage-filled reaction to perceived injustice at being misidentified and mistreated, influenced by a migraine which is branching from post-accident injuries torsion-imbedding into on-fire synaptic references pinging unremittently inside my spinal cord, thoracic to cervical.
It Seems Crazy
That one rear-ending with precise element factors could cause so much internal damage.
Being Injured
Can make a person feel stupid and incapable.
(No Diggity – Blackstreet)
Mental
Is it pain?
Is it trauma?
Don’t want to feed
This brain haze llama.
Healing Can Feel Like This
(Panoramic View – Awolnation)
Night After Day
After giving to the world, it is a struggle to not shut down when I get home. There is no internal buffer balance – just an on and off switch, with grinding pain as a sublevel constant.
(Hanging On – Active Child)
Imposition
Searing pain surrounds parboiling eyes, melting down brain into wondering why I keep pushing and trying to cross superimposed barriers.
Holding Ground
Defending where I must; advancing where and when I can.
(One And Four, AKA Mr. Day – Jon Coltrane)
Hilarious Insanity
Regardless of the fact that I have brain trauma, people keep trying to run me in circles – so I’ve begun pushing back and letting them see the brain trauma.
Threats of Homelessness
Seeing them on the street, browbeaten women hunkered within awning nooks along downtown sidewalks, it frightens me to keep experiencing effects from the shove that insurance coverage severing my wage loss benefits has pressed upon me, when I have still been unable to work for income.
Quiver
Feeling the brain injury getting worse before it (hopefully) gets better.
(I Feel It In The Wind – Smith & Thell, Acoustic)
Not Alright
Externally presents;
Inside, unsettled.
Self-Determination
I chafe at having to “rely on the kindness of strangers.”
Quote from Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire, starring Jessica Lange.
GRRR
When the heck are my nerves going to heal?
It’s almost been already a year!
(Venus – Bananarama)
Altered Ambulation
I no longer lift from quads when walking, but extend from the back of my legs as I slide-push forward, extending from glutes and lower hamstrings.
(Cough Syrup – Young The Giant)
Negative Reinforcement
At some point, traumatic response becomes the mainstay when circumstances keep conspiring.
Shaking Hands
This is likely going to get worse before it gets better.
I can feel circumstances converging, with us caught in the middle.
The landlord’s child is looking for housing for school locally – and we all know what that could mean when renting the landlord’s one local property.
It happened to us last time, our prior landlord wanting to rent to students, making us homeless.
F*ck brain trauma and all of this destabilizing.
Tendons
The great reveal.
Enough, Already!
I do not want to be injured, anymore.
Discouraged
I feel, very much.
Advice
It was suggested that I not say I am injured.
WT-?
(Run Away To Mars – Talk)
Fighting Ground
When insurance pulled its 3rd party exam sham to abruptly cut of my financial support, I knew any time for retraining was pushed to ending.
So I jumped into more classes than I should have due to my injuries in order to gather as many marketable skills to put under my belt as I could.
Being an optimist, even though I began flailing under the increased performance intensity of networking to keep our housing and increasing to four days of classes and travel, I hoped this could rebuild my functional capacities.
But “lo and behold” my “crashing and burning!”
Injury symptoms have drastically worsened and I have to drop classes to respond to my body’s warnings.
The hope in all of this is that since I fought and created room for the extra classes against external pressures, if I can hold this space I might still finish my certificate.
In The Quiet
What quiet?
There is no quiet – only noise.
Chattering and yammering while pulling from too many directions.
Benched
Handing over the reigns to someone “more skilled” does not feel self empowering despite delegation of responsibilities.
Modes
Switching between them rapidly can feel like having multiple personalities.
Positive Reinforcement
There are advocates and kind people.
“Salvation”
There is a brush-on application medicine now being used in dental offices that helps interrupt rapid decay.
Foggy Chance
She was offered to preview a mentor’s script, and she had to give no promises.
“I’m not sure if I can – quite literally – but I want to very much!”
Injustice
A sense of rage that boils blood
And eventually leads to rebellion.
Dissuasion
After the agency disqualified her by the same documents they had used to qualify her for services, they came back and said that if she gave up her career focus dreams and became another cog in the system, then they would help her with Speech Therapy.
Routine
I keep doing the same “workout,” willing my components to reconnect and reboot.
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