Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Rebuttal
“I’ll see your 13 pages, ‘good Sir’ – and raise you by 98!”
The Big Gamble
With insurance having unlawfully cut off my partial wage loss support and resulting pressures attempting to shove me back into the workforce prematurely, I have to decide if I allow this landslide to carry me where it will – or do I leap again with whatever skills I can muster to reach for a life less orfinary?
Extremes
Do I need to be an invalid to prove my disabilities?!
Moving On
I know they were bound by their select speciality capacities or still progressing along furthering their learning.
But I can no longer afford to hold space for others’ limits in pursuit of my own healing.
Externalities
Functioning in each moment requires more multiple efforts to just perform one task smoothly and effectively, creating an overage of conscripting more broadly further related processing capabilites to support and enact such operationd, which compounds complexity in what “should be” simplicity.
Reclusion
I do not like being around peers when having to deal with these “disabilities.”
Fretting
I am as of yet uncertain how to recover effectively from these spinal injuries.
There are some core connections rebridging, and both ham string tears are getting better.
But the upper lumbar spine is still twist-center-punch-pinched-unsteady-dangerous, while the mass of cervical damage with variable-shifting nerve compressioning is still mostly unapproachable.
Are You Kidding Me?!
I had, of course, worried that the 3rd party doctor would claim some biased reason to discount my current inability to work – especially since she refused to perform the neurological assessment duties that I, my main doctor, and even my insurance company had requested and thought she was going to do.
But no.
Her eyes had glazed over during my interview and she seemed distracted and agitated when I told her my after-car accident current symptoms that I have been working diligently to have identified and strategies of rehabilitation formulated.
She was not interested and responded lacklusterly, telling me vaguely that she was not allowed to assess me for these things.
Then, her eyes lit up alive and she became animated when I told her of the many physical traumas that I have had since childhood and outgrew and overcame.
I stated these honestly because I was required to, and proudly because these have been previous “wars that I have won” and was very functional afterwards despite of.
After performing a brief exam that any walk- in clinic would offer after first shrugging her shoulders and indicating by body language and slight comment that it was useless and wouldn’t matter, her 16 page I-am-sure-templated-report did not dispute that I could not currently work – but that the accident was not the cause of my current inabilities!
What-what-what?! the warbling dodo bird comedian sqwuaks at this ridiculous claim in the face of all actual evidence that has been given.
The cascade of allowed and unchecked resultant destabilizing force from this claim has put all of my rallying defences under the gun.
State Of Belief
“The dominance of the attempted shutdown hits with such force that I have no choice put to hurt myself in the process of matching that force and pushing even harder to fight it back.”
“The Light Of Truth”
Painful Overload
How to progress to finish my retraining and obtain my bachelor’s when under attack and actively defending…I must succeed.
Sweat
Hot flashes propel my system into internal molten overdrive since I’ve began receiving craniosacral therapy for cervical injuries.
These episodes are further excercises in tolerant endurance as my body attempts to flux-recallibrate after impact’s shut down.
A New Version Of WTF
Cut off income.
No grace period.
Still unable to work.
Need more time to heal.
Prospective loss of housing.
(The Kill – Thirty Seconds To Mars)
Valiance
Ever to the end…
Have A Care
The identity of cause is not yet shown in the few scans so far taken.
They have merely shown proof that what I say has occurred is indeed in those dimensions.
For the body obtains injury not only to bones and muscles – but to nerves, organs, and interstitial vessels.
Fie to those in power that continue suppressing the truth’s humanitarian efforts!
MIDI
An accronym for a durection wherein resides my salvation.
Injustice
A deceitful game of “winner takes all” – unless the valiant resist to stop this.
3rd Party Arbitrary
As I thought would happen, the 3rd party doctor who was not listening to my current symptoms and was looking for any reason to discount what I was saying filed against my continuing to receive support. She was even reluctant to do a physical assessment, shrugging and saying “well, let’s go through the motions” – and then not even following through with any real testing!
“3rd Party Visit Recovery”
Emotional Release
When I felt crushed after the 3rd party doctor exam to “verify my continued disability,” I found a secluded office alcove where a chair sat in diffused, bright sunlight.
I had to let myself just stop and shake out the sensations and their implications, holding my forehead between fingertips with arms supported by high-sided leather.
As tears rolled down my cheeks unbidden, frustrated by event’s embarrassment, I quietly sobbed folding into myself as my brain swirled in churning confusion.
Then anger arose to defend me, to lift and surround encircling: the dragin within awaking to protect this vulnerable child.
(Sex, Drugs, Etc. – Beach Weather)
Meaning
“It’s what we choose to do regarding the effects of events which gives them purpose.”
The Concept Of Suing
“Why would I wish to ruin another person’s life because they have “ruined” mine?
This grabbing at each other in ‘taking’ for restoration/compensation repositioning is not a real state of justice – nor restitution.
Accounting for ‘loss’ by causing more loss energetically propagates loss in the system.”
Affection Reception
“Due to pain and muscle overstim with lockdown, can I even feel pleasure of physical connection anymore?
In stating this, two cats and a dog come up to greet me and be petted while purring, rubbing against, and leaning into me.
Maybe part of the issue is that I’m moving too fast to soak in time with those who love me.
I am also having to manage too much performance pressure.”
A Certain Grace
“I am resistant on some very importantly personal things, until I can find my own way.
Like holding my reactkons at bay, so the shock of ‘impact’ doesn’t kill me.”
Night Sweats And Hot Flashes
“I guess it’s about time that my body starts processing the injuries.”
Lost In The Timeline
There is a part of me quivering, panicking in my chest:
It is the coordinator – and it is overwhelmed by events.
I projected a trajectory – and now I’m it’s gotten thick
Where whirling parts and pieces press me to the quick.
Being On Time
Implies being ahead of the game – and being capable of investing resources that I no longer have available to give.
(Coming Undone – KoRn)
Passe
So done with the pain, now.
Highly overrated
Gordian Knot
How do I chop through this beastie?
Spinal Trauma Drama
Alone
On my own
On my own
Alone
Repeat as if
To atone.
For The First Time
Data Gripe
Dissatisfaction with the process and implied outcome.
Leathered Lace
Sinew tightened as jerky cord,
It’s a wonder if any movement.
(Title ref to a Fleetwood Mac song)
Impact Zones
Will holds its own while forces attempt to dethrone inherent right to claim one’s home within mind-body connections
Overstim
Creates an inflexible intolerance of outside influences attempting to manipulate my decisions.
The Night Shift
Groping around for any sense of familarity, she felt confused and bereft because she couldn’t feel how she used to be anymore
Come On
Much of my life seems a continuum of pain, pressure, and pushing forward against odds.
Still On Hold
So far, any attempts to address the injuries to my neck only bring more destabilization with increased pain and nerve flare.
Out Of Body Experience
I try to be present in my body and reclaim internal territory that I have lost.
But it is hard to gain a center amongst so much nerve pain and structural injury.
(Joy – For King + Country)
Dear Alex,
I keep maneuvering to stay within the eye of the storm, but it is difficult to not fear the destructive power raging all around me.
Justice
Sometimes, no matter how much it is greatly needed or wanted, it is better to just even the playing field and restart toward better horizons.
Dear Alex,
I am confused regarding how to manage my situation.
I can’t discern clearly which priorities to focus upon.
They say “look within for the answers,” but I am too bogged down internally.
Or “give it over to a higher power,” but there is not one that I trust implicitly.
I have an external support team, but each person helps with only a fragment of my “dilemma.”
Ultimately, I am the center; the designer; the full weight-bearer.
I am also being argued with where it is not helpful, which is agitating.
Meanwhile, the disruption of the accident has caught up with me regarding finances.
I have been addressing this by staggering bills, but it feels like my grip is slipping – which has been causing me to panic.
While the insurance companies pressure me in attempts to prematurely discontinue responsibility, I also feel my own instincts trying to ramp me back up into going out to make my own money.
This is how I have primarily functioned until the accident: adrenaline bursts into intensive activity, spurring innovation for my family’s continued survival.
But I can’t currently perform in this way in order to overcome the challenges that I am facing.
My mind and body are unable to comply performance-wise – though spirit is struggling to keep willing.
These “multi-verse” pressures are jumbling up my instinctive impulses and skewing abilities to focus on what I can attend to right now.
Time is running out for my somehow being ready for launching into a new career by end of summer, if not forced to do so sooner.
I had hoped to use this recovery time to also finish my script and Bachelor’s degree while proceeding with the career retraining I am already halfway through.
But external resistances have been countering my worthy attempts.
And survivalism again conscripts.
Poverty
Makes it difficult to buy food, pay for (or even find and secure) housing – and definitely forces creativity onto the back burner in the struggle for survival.
Unparalelled
I am beginning to work directly on my injured nec, spine , and leg regions.
Incident On Walnut Sreet
This time, we will not run.
This time, we’ll fight the lion.
Candid Corvid Productions 