Searing pain surrounds parboiling eyes, melting down brain into wondering why I keep pushing and trying to cross superimposed barriers.
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Holding Ground
Defending where I must; advancing where and when I can.
(One And Four, AKA Mr. Day – Jon Coltrane)
Hilarious Insanity
Regardless of the fact that I have brain trauma, people keep trying to run me in circles – so I’ve begun pushing back and letting them see the brain trauma.
Threats of Homelessness
Seeing them on the street, browbeaten women hunkered within awning nooks along downtown sidewalks, it frightens me to keep experiencing effects from the shove that insurance coverage severing my wage loss benefits has pressed upon me, when I have still been unable to work for income.
Quiver
Feeling the brain injury getting worse before it (hopefully) gets better.
(I Feel It In The Wind – Smith & Thell, Acoustic)
Not Alright
Externally presents;
Inside, unsettled.
Self-Determination
I chafe at having to “rely on the kindness of strangers.”
Quote from Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire, starring Jessica Lange.
GRRR
When the heck are my nerves going to heal?
It’s almost been already a year!
(Venus – Bananarama)
Altered Ambulation
I no longer lift from quads when walking, but extend from the back of my legs as I slide-push forward, extending from glutes and lower hamstrings.
(Cough Syrup – Young The Giant)
Negative Reinforcement
At some point, traumatic response becomes the mainstay when circumstances keep conspiring.
Shaking Hands
This is likely going to get worse before it gets better.
I can feel circumstances converging, with us caught in the middle.
The landlord’s child is looking for housing for school locally – and we all know what that could mean when renting the landlord’s one local property.
It happened to us last time, our prior landlord wanting to rent to students, making us homeless.
F*ck brain trauma and all of this destabilizing.
Tendons
The great reveal.
Enough, Already!
I do not want to be injured, anymore.
Discouraged
I feel, very much.
Advice
It was suggested that I not say I am injured.
WT-?
(Run Away To Mars – Talk)
Fighting Ground
When insurance pulled its 3rd party exam sham to abruptly cut of my financial support, I knew any time for retraining was pushed to ending.
So I jumped into more classes than I should have due to my injuries in order to gather as many marketable skills to put under my belt as I could.
Being an optimist, even though I began flailing under the increased performance intensity of networking to keep our housing and increasing to four days of classes and travel, I hoped this could rebuild my functional capacities.
But “lo and behold” my “crashing and burning!”
Injury symptoms have drastically worsened and I have to drop classes to respond to my body’s warnings.
The hope in all of this is that since I fought and created room for the extra classes against external pressures, if I can hold this space I might still finish my certificate.
In The Quiet
What quiet?
There is no quiet – only noise.
Chattering and yammering while pulling from too many directions.
Benched
Handing over the reigns to someone “more skilled” does not feel self empowering despite delegation of responsibilities.
Modes
Switching between them rapidly can feel like having multiple personalities.
Positive Reinforcement
There are advocates and kind people.
“Salvation”
There is a brush-on application medicine now being used in dental offices that helps interrupt rapid decay.
Foggy Chance
She was offered to preview a mentor’s script, and she had to give no promises.
“I’m not sure if I can – quite literally – but I want to very much!”
Injustice
A sense of rage that boils blood
And eventually leads to rebellion.
Dissuasion
After the agency disqualified her by the same documents they had used to qualify her for services, they came back and said that if she gave up her career focus dreams and became another cog in the system, then they would help her with Speech Therapy.
Routine
I keep doing the same “workout,” willing my components to reconnect and reboot.
(Wildflowers And Wild Horses – Lainey Wilson)
It Won’t Stop
At least before, I could go out and bring in my own money.
Calling It
I have no choice but to withdraw from most of my retraining courses.
Hy-Po-Thal-A-Mus!
I name you thus!
Now stop making me so darn dizzy and dis-co-ord-i-nat-ing!!!
Antibiotics
So fun how their poisoning makes the trembling nerve misfiring worse!
“Uncharted” Territory
I know what and how it all happened and am experiencing effects of the injuries, but it is difficult to gain others’ cooperation to look for and find what I “see.”
Word of the Day: Hypothalamus
Your hypothalamus, a structure deep in your brain, acts as your body’s smart control coordinating center. Its main function is to keep your body in a stable state called homeostasis. It does its job by directly influencing your autonomic nervous system or by managing hormones.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22566-hypothalamus
Deeper Within
For as much as I am reaching out and overextending to keep and make more connections, I am retreating ever deeper inward, farther away from the Light.
Maybe the Light is actually comprised of darkness, combusting and regenerating, sparking its emittance at such a high rate that we do not see its core is the source.
“Have Fun”
The lady said as she signed off from our phone call, forgetting she was speaking to someone struggling to keep her family housed.
Mental Fatigue
Done with trying to accomplish.
Little Light
As she slipped and fumbled
To regain ground lost to her,
Demons grasped to prevent
Her escaping their influence.
Sabotaged
I am bardly hanging on to my retraining studies, and feel my tenuous grip slipping.
The Spins
Dizzyness akin to being flushed down a toilet and wondering where I’ll end up at out the other side.
(Welcome To The Machine – Pink Floyd)
Stepping Back
It is very difficult for me to allow someone other than myself to control the helm, for I have been the captain that I can count on.
It’s Easy To Fall
But can you fall gracefully?
Com Si Com Sa
Some doctors say “yes,” and some say “no.”
Either you are injured or “it’s all in your head” depending on where you go.
Fallacy
They say that “Life is out to get us.”
From what I’ve experienced, it’s people.
Nature has always been kind to me.
In One’s Prime
Why is it not enough to have given as I have, and why is more blood price demanded?
Shutdown
The more it squeezes, the harder I push.
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