“I hate what pain does to me.”
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
(Jaws – Sleep Token)
Pain’s Rage
“Of course when the vise is twisting, I want to go after who did this to me.”
Hell
Nerve-compression migraine
Lack Of Buffers
“I value autonomy in that it keeps people out of my business and retains dignity.
Having to explain and prove my circumstances to qualify for assistance increases the feeling of vulnerability.
I know that connection could expand feeling part of community.
I just prefer participating on more equal terms.”
Networking
Switching modalities and focus
What triumph can I pull together?
(Memory – Alex LeMirage)
Neurofeedback
“I had my first session today, desperate to move my body into any sort of positive healing.”
Captain’s Creed
“If I my ship is going down, I must make sure that the others can make it to safety.”
Is That The Plan?
“Throwing myself at options until something sticks?”
I Try To Tell Myself
It’s ok…it was all a gamble
Got me this far as shamble
Bread Winner
“That used to be me – by ingenuity.”
HyperVigilance
That which I’ve reclaimed
Over and over and over is
Held by the refusal
To let myself forget
“Head Trauma”
Lapse Of Reason
Any success seems momentary
As expends and then falls apart
(Title of multiple meanings)
Behind The Curve
“How can one catch up if the marker keeps moving ahead?”
Closed Loop System
“Dead ends all around.”
Responsibilty
“No one is responsible for me – except maybe the person who hit me and caused these disabilities.
But frankly, I just want the cures with healing and return of my capabilities.
Can I have this, please?”
I Guess They’ll Believe Me
“If I’m out on the streets…
I won’t go into a shelter.
Believe me.”
Agency Help
“Well…could you get another job?”
(What do you think I’m doing here?)
(Reasons – Dennis Lloyd)
No
“I don’t want to go down this slippery slope to disability.”
(Vore – Sleep Token)
Screaming
Inside
Air Flow
“It is one thing to choose to rest and settle…”
(Lose Yourself Again – Mansionair)
Hssssss – Haaates It!
“I do not like turning clients away (with referrals, of course) and being unable to help them!”
Falling
“With style!”
—
(From the movie, “Toy Story”)
It’s Too Late For Me Now
“I am altered.”
—
(Sleep Token “Alkaline” reference)
Hidden Measures
Limited independence
Unable to earn income
Yet plenty of struggle
Doing simplest tasks
One movement creates
Several parts against it
Muscles bend beyond
Normal planed edges
Or lock up rigid tight
Defying functionality
High Standards
“I’m ‘so done.’
And the fact that I’m so weary has got me irritated because I used to produce much more output.”
Cancellation Clause
“You can do anything you set your mind to…”
(Unless you have brain injury)
(Slow Down – EMBRZ)
I’m Not Gonna
“Sob due to nerve meltdown.”
Overcoming
“The pressure to perform was ever present, yet because I pushed, this further injured.
Now my internal messaging is being messed with.
Yay.”
The Numbers
“They were there, but I couldn’t reach them.”
Clamping Down
“An effect of the ‘freeze’ pattern.”
Division Of Mind
Prime directive switches modes
Depending upon focus selected
Calibrating survival maps
To match accessible data
(Heaven Is A Spectrum – Leo Faulkner)
“Spirit Within”
“In Mourning”
I Took Good Care Of Myself
“Youthful promise nicked at and blasted away is not even something original for me to say.”
(I Got Plenty O’ Nuttin’- Vienna Symphonic Rock Orchestra)
Gratitude
“Gratitude…”
It Felt Good
“Feeling self empowerment return on some levels and being able to contribute.
Having these taken away again is bewildering and feels terrible.”
(Chokehold – Sleep Token)
Accident Remnants
“‘You’ve got me in a chokehold…
So ‘even if I can’t sleep, show me the way.'”
—
(Sleep Token song reference)
I Thought I Could
“I planned to keep being there for a few, but symptoms worsen still – so even these, I had to postpone.”
Self Review
“When the chips are down, desperation makes it harder to see clear paths of morality.
Therefore, instead of relaxing to defrag reset, I increase my own pressure against resistance to keep visualizing and tracking.”
What Is Right
“I keep trying to do this, regardless of personal losses.”
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