Is disengaging the same
As freezing dissociation?
My mind does not want to
Be going in this direction
Is disengaging the same
As freezing dissociation?
My mind does not want to
Be going in this direction
“Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon’s office.”
“I will let out a mighty scream of pain when my right hip joint at last repositions itself correctly.
But though it keeps indicating through a crazy spasming pain, this will likely not happen yet, today.”
“It’s a consistency now after mopping floors that the next day or so my muscle attachments spasm and twist, attempting to dislodge shoulder and hip joints from their hitches.”
“It’s better to cry over love, than over injuries.”
“Everything else will demand my attention – but the day’s worked-for calm has been shot to Hell, anyway.
Now I have to put my body into movement to try to ride out the cortisol.”
“Well, at least this injury is new…
That’s good, right?
Evening out to more territory being f-ed up is positive, right?
More terrain taking on load damage surely means I’m healing – RIGHT?!!”
“I don’t even know what I did, but now my right shoulder blade is twisting-tight ginked.
Perhaps because I need to PUNCH something real HARD!
So fun being ‘wrecked’…”
Just give me some actual peace
Where not only can I recover but
Then next emergencies just feck right OFF
Instead of causing adrenal muscle spasms!
“Past benefits taking current benefits, and I’m still in the hole – FECK!””
“Also for ‘col-lide’ – har har!”
“Like Bonnie and Clyde – but where the terrible demise ending happened first, and now we must partner for having fun.
Or maybe it’s just another big illusion – another ‘hitchhiker’ putting me under its gun.”
“At this point, I think I should name it, for it is surely a dominant character in my life now – albeit muchly unwanted.”
The pain backed off…
Don’t think about it
Identify the objects
Put on clothes
Tie up the hair
Turn on plants’ light
Grab stuff and leave
Without diverting
To tend animals
Without pausing
For conversation
Hold body in tight
Ignoring the pain
Screaming as you
Grab basic pain pills
And shamble quickly to
Rehab’s transportation
Squinting and flinching
As light sears into brain
“That once I had gotten my children fledged and successfully launched into their new lives that I would have something left to offer – instrad of these fried circuits.”
“A way to cope with and survive despite the hardships of reality…though these days, reality is pressing to crush me.”
“Stuck within tangled branches.”
“Oh, that’s right – you can’t walk!
My bad…”
“Hip trying to twist out of socket.”
“Well, at least I know now that the reason I never felt whole and recovered since the car accident was because I wasn’t.”
“Man, I really want that drug…but I’m ‘not gonna take it.'”
She cried in fear and terror, grieving and lamenting, aware of how close she’d come to death as she praised her body for collaborating.
“As seems typical in my life now, emergency survival mode has consumed all and more of what time I could manage to focus.
My retraining starts soon, and I’ll be lucky if I can study up on it the night before.”
Listen to Losing While Gaining 9.30.25.m4a by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/dbohmgLNybKklfy9XO
Listen to Mindset 9.30.25.m4a by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/poi3qhxCNjiWG0aehx
“I am being corralled into ‘disability’ status.”
“From things we must tend to when daily life has been thrown out of balance.”
“When you finally find a parking spot for an event, then notice the people parked in front of your car are leaving – and pull into their spot just in case there’s still time already paid for left in their meter.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t know or remember where she was going and what she had to do.
It was when she would come to a turn or a door in the corridors that her mind would get caught in a jag of review.
“If they could do contrast on my spine, they’d see more extensive damage than I’m given credit for.”
“Both hips also took damage.”
“But I can’t move in any of these ways, anymore.”
Oh that we could have met
When I had more to offer…
How could she let him help her
Why would he even want to?
Her heart had been betrayed
And her body was fractured
“This is mine…
But my spirit rocks unconsoled, knowing tbat even still, things could get worse.
Traction seems a thing of fantasy now, and daydreams.”
“Lovely forms are reclaimed of broken pottery, made whole again by golden filagree.
Heal me with your love, so that I may be reborn.”
“Where am I?”she screamed while he tried to grab onto and hold her as she fought him off in desperation to reclaim herself, not knowing what was needed.
“Can you see me through all of this rage and pain? Would you love me still if I can never be myself, again?”
“Stumbling over bills’ downhill slides while attempting to innovate.”
“I get to use my ‘placard of priviledge.'”
“I’m worried that my synaptic gaps won’t bridge and heal.
What can I do about this?
I feel locked in an isolated room…
And at times when I can successfully pick the lock, I then find myself lost in dark and misty corridors.”
“Freedom is priceless.”
The pain was worse than ever before – and she realized that the medication she refused to continue taking had sunk its hooks into her after only two separate day’s doses.
“Must be picked when needing picking.”