“It’s kind of shitty having disability.
I already knew this from caring for others outside of it.
But gee, look – now I get to have the same prize!”
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
A Woman’s Reality
“I need to be provided for.
Not just want, now – but need.
Where’s pride and safety come in?”
Tired Thematics
Unrequieted love
Injuries twisting pain
Financial instability
More Financial Battles?
“No…just fecking no.”
Nope
“No school work today, and no rest tomorrow as bills and services cancel.
There is no easy way through.
No wonder I just want to stop and not try anymore.”
(Lost Elevation – Vibfy)
Full Body Muscle Spasms
“I could help my body recover, if I were the therapist on the outside, rather than stuck within it.”
The Ripple Effect
“I must be losing weight because as I lean forward typing on my phone with arms resting on upper thighs, shadows cast from an overhead light show in extreme relief the myofascial damage done by the car accident to tissues on the inside of my upper arms and across my biceps.
I’ve got to try slide-cupping this, again”
Identifying The Issue
“I have some brain injury that interferes with visual data perception – ie: icons, pathway navigation relationships, once I engage my eyes to use the computer.
It also interferes with brain to vocal throat and jaw verbal transitions from thought to speech.
I mask this last bit well, but can feel the lag and glitches in stream of thought disruption and delays in muscle activation when I externally communicate.”
Walking Stick
“‘Cause this. is. fun. – and oh-so se-xy!”
Dropping Things
“Gravity likes to display its effects around me.”
Highs & Lows
“Oh, yes….
They like to tell me that I am perimenopausal.
But I know for a fact that my temperature fluxing disregulations are from my neck injury, for I can induce these quite easily, accidentally.”
Simple Tasks
“We expect to be able to take ability to do such things for granted.”
Twisting Motions
“Oh, that’s right…
I helped change a series of light bulbs requirimg over head twisting motions.”
Confession
“I did spend time tending my roses that the dogs had shredded…”
Like A Rip Cord
“I don’t know what I did, but my anterior shoulder tendon attachment is pulling hatd and very angry.”
Dear Alex,
“It turns out that surgery will not be the answer – and that though the pain and symptoms are severe, there is still hope for regaining my structural capacity.
Thank goodness – and back to feretting out the neurology.”
In The Waiting Room
Is disengaging the same
As freezing dissociation?
My mind does not want to
Be going in this direction
Dear Alex
“Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon’s office.”
Someday,
“I will let out a mighty scream of pain when my right hip joint at last repositions itself correctly.
But though it keeps indicating through a crazy spasming pain, this will likely not happen yet, today.”
Going To Extremes
“It’s a consistency now after mopping floors that the next day or so my muscle attachments spasm and twist, attempting to dislodge shoulder and hip joints from their hitches.”
Puffy Eyes
“It’s better to cry over love, than over injuries.”
If I Leave My Room
“Everything else will demand my attention – but the day’s worked-for calm has been shot to Hell, anyway.
Now I have to put my body into movement to try to ride out the cortisol.”
Pragmatic B.S.
“Well, at least this injury is new…
That’s good, right?
Evening out to more territory being f-ed up is positive, right?
More terrain taking on load damage surely means I’m healing – RIGHT?!!”
God, Why?
“I don’t even know what I did, but now my right shoulder blade is twisting-tight ginked.
Perhaps because I need to PUNCH something real HARD!
So fun being ‘wrecked’…”
Give It To Me
Just give me some actual peace
Where not only can I recover but
Then next emergencies just feck right OFF
Instead of causing adrenal muscle spasms!
Another Fight
“Past benefits taking current benefits, and I’m still in the hole – FECK!””
“Clyde”
“Also for ‘col-lide’ – har har!”
Clyde
“Like Bonnie and Clyde – but where the terrible demise ending happened first, and now we must partner for having fun.
Or maybe it’s just another big illusion – another ‘hitchhiker’ putting me under its gun.”
The Accident
“At this point, I think I should name it, for it is surely a dominant character in my life now – albeit muchly unwanted.”
Finally
The pain backed off…
(As Alive As You Need Me To Be – Nine Inch Nails)
The Great Escape
Don’t think about it
Identify the objects
Put on clothes
Tie up the hair
Turn on plants’ light
Grab stuff and leave
Without diverting
To tend animals
Without pausing
For conversation
Hold body in tight
Ignoring the pain
Screaming as you
Grab basic pain pills
And shamble quickly to
Rehab’s transportation
Squinting and flinching
As light sears into brain
I Had Hoped
“That once I had gotten my children fledged and successfully launched into their new lives that I would have something left to offer – instrad of these fried circuits.”
Another Word Of The Day: Fantasy
“A way to cope with and survive despite the hardships of reality…though these days, reality is pressing to crush me.”
Going Crazy
“Stuck within tangled branches.”
Disclosure, Part 2
“Oh, that’s right – you can’t walk!
My bad…”
Feck!
“Hip trying to twist out of socket.”
Daunting
“Well, at least I know now that the reason I never felt whole and recovered since the car accident was because I wasn’t.”
(We’re Not Gonna Take It – Twisted Sister)
Pain
“Man, I really want that drug…but I’m ‘not gonna take it.'”
Surfacing
She cried in fear and terror, grieving and lamenting, aware of how close she’d come to death as she praised her body for collaborating.
Pushed
“As seems typical in my life now, emergency survival mode has consumed all and more of what time I could manage to focus.
My retraining starts soon, and I’ll be lucky if I can study up on it the night before.”
“Losing While Gaining” (Spoken Word)
Listen to Losing While Gaining 9.30.25.m4a by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/dbohmgLNybKklfy9XO
Mind Set (Spoken Word)
Listen to Mindset 9.30.25.m4a by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/poi3qhxCNjiWG0aehx
Dear Alex,
“I am being corralled into ‘disability’ status.”
(Highway To Hell – AC/DC)
Sleep Deprivation
“From things we must tend to when daily life has been thrown out of balance.”
Down To Pennies
“When you finally find a parking spot for an event, then notice the people parked in front of your car are leaving – and pull into their spot just in case there’s still time already paid for left in their meter.”
Glitches In The System
It wasn’t that she didn’t know or remember where she was going and what she had to do.
It was when she would come to a turn or a door in the corridors that her mind would get caught in a jag of review.
