She was learning to no longer reach beyond current capacities.
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Pain’s Gnash
As it consumed her
She did not scream
For if she voiced
It would access
Last defenses
Where hiding
Imbedded Locks
“Insidiously, the brain injury masks within normality – yet keeps pushing me away from approaching new information gathering like figuring out how to recognize, understand, and choose desired chord progressions.”
Gelatin
“I hear there may be some hope for internal reparations through contained nutrients…”
Pack Mentality
“The hound and wolf are no longer synced to me, having absorbed into pack mentality.
The other dogs, either being very young or untrained in their communication niceties have more pushy and frequently jarring and obnoxious barking tendencies, so when mine hear me, they whine and demand rudely.
There’s no real hope of my currently curbing mine back to civilized politeness, and so they only respond, if at all, if I yell and demand right back at them – or at the very least, I must be firm in my tone with a ‘don’t mess with me’ edge to it.
I’m not loving the ptsd reaction this keeps reactivating, nor the ever present stress charge blooming on edge of last ditch efforts in self salvaging sparking over into anger.
And I must veer away from thoughts and any desire to walk my two for rebonding and needed extra exercise.
My limbs are just too prone now to tearing if pulled by force into different directions.
But still, if I could find those boot shoes that disappeared, I’d be tempted to try to go carefully with my walking sticks and their harnessing, anyway.
Yet then, they’d build up an even greater demanding in their expectations – and that is not something that I can further manage, especially when I cannot guarantee them nor myself capability of consistency.
So it would be one more pressure that they see in their minds as valid to pile onto me.”
(Zombie – YUNGBLUD)
Hm
“As my body attempts to return to its prior shape, it becomes clear that the lower portion of my ribs was blasted, flanged open…”
Broken Pieces
“It is very hard for me to conceptualize that I could be wanted as a viable partner – despite all of the struggling that I am having to overcome due to these lingering car accident injuries.”
The Elephant They Keep Ignoring
If MRI’s show damage to spine and joints
It’s pretty safe to assume that there’s likely
Other muscle/tissue damage around them
—
(Title reference to phrase “the elephant in the room” = huge issue specialists keep ignoring)
3rd Year
“You can bet I will keep pushing back.”
Cupping
“When performing on self, it can cause temporary abrading – simply from difficulty in maneuvering.
Struggling
“Some things seem necessary to do alone.
But I hate how these injuries seem to be increasingly isolating me as I keep struggling for functionality.”
Spinning
“Can I please not keep getting spun off of the ground into emergency modalities?”
—
(Important phone calls and deadlines interfering with trying to show up for classes.)
Whyyyyyy???
“Does everything have to be so difficult?
It’s the same ol’ sh** – only haaardeeerr!!!”
—
(Just trying to get out the door!)
hCaptcha
“OMG – NOOOO!
Exactly that which activates my brain injury!”
—
(Trying to access lyrics – and bailing!)
Ginked Neck
“Poor love…I never seem to find for you the right resting position.”
At Least,
“Past Martial Arts, rock climbing, and general balance-pivoting skills help me manage this ambulatory insanity!”
Hard Won
“I cannot help but be nervous as I keep working on my body from central core to tips of limbs to keep reclaiming territory.
It was terrifying to have lost coordination and responsiveness / strength through to digits!”
It’s So Weird
“To see how my feet have changed since the accident.
I am becoming a different creature – altogether…”
Pacing
“It would be great if all of the back and forth were making me stronger…
I don’t want to just keep struggling.”
—
(Title and content of multiple meanings)
Beauty
“It’s difficult to feel attractive when I do not feel right in my body.”
Hypermobility
Not just around joint attachments, but the actual support muscles around them yielding too much and too easily to where hips’ and shoulders’ insides flex through planes they normally wouldn’t.
Time to begin adding some counter-balancing exercises.
YouTube
“Has made it harder to save to playlists.
I won’t go into the details, but I wanted to throw my phone over it.”
(I Will Rise Up · Bless Bagopi)
Abdominal Support
In body tension
Spine recovers
By resting upon
Glomming sack
Releasing swelling
As strength returns
More protection
For injured back
I Wonder
“Perhaps I am entering some kind of acceleration effects on certain – and maybe many – levels.
For so long, I was just swollen and puffy no matter how I worked to reconnect and regain tonal tension.
But playing out the idea that one day it can all click, this might be shifting.”
It’s Weird
“I must be beginning to heal because the pain is getting worse, even though I paused doing therapies.
What I mean is, my tissues are tightening in junction crossover areas, revealing more and more the experiential damage of injuries.”
Comedic Outlet
She fantasized about him carrying her to bed – both romantically, and of necessity.
—
(Hip twisting extreme sudden pain, again.)
“They Have No Idea!”
Between Extremes
Too hot
Too cold
Burrowing
Well, We Should
“We take for granted the miracle of natural structural integrity.”
—
(Title of multiple neanings)
Curmudgeonly
“I saw the movie ‘Barbie’ right before my accident – and had cried, hoping that I’d get my chance to feel young and alive again.”
(This Is The Picture [Excellent Birds] – Peter Gabriel)
Back To Work
“Well, all of this has certainly sucked – and I am pretty much back to fending for myself again, despite injuries.
Yeah, I need to file for disability – because there is no way that I can attain previous numbers, again.
And yeah, the physicality of the therapies tears me apart, but that is why I’ve entered into modality retraining.
But I have to get through another year before I have things shifted onto a new track, and any help from society is waning.
At least, my neck having surgery is not a viable option, because at this point, it wouldn’t help anything.
My hips, however – they won’t consider surgery due to my age.
So I am just sh** out of luck – literally, no matter which way I turn.
At least I can try to regenerate some cash flow, again.
And let’s not even discuss my shoulders or spine…”
Yeah…
“It is kind of brutally funny, this living amid personal tragedy.”
Suspended Animation
Although she seemed to have little control over the direction that her ship was hurtling, she could play with the gravity adjustments and attempt to reduce her discomfort.”
Maybe
If she could get the jammed cervicals to release and reintegrate, the others would not be so sliding-compression-pinching hypermobile.
ReCalculating
“If hip joints are being twist-pulled forward and out away from structural stability due to over-torque tension in the quadraceps, will lower abdominal restrengthening pull back and tighten the sheaths that should wrap tight the capsules – or will this just increase the overall load?”
Genetics & Accidents
“It turns out that I have hip dysplasia.
My hound has it, too.
Only her left hip will twist out of its socket – even in her youth.
I have to rub her associated muscle spasms to get them to release her hip so that it again properly repositions when I see her limp.
Oh wait…
Both of mine now behave like this, too.”
EEE-YA-AH!
“Aparrently, lifting weight makes my hip joints lose their sh**!”
(“The PAIN!!!” – original Dune quote)
Flush
“”I was helped today in getting my car insurance turned back on so I can function, then told that I could pay it back when I am ‘flush.’
Flush…
How am I going to attain anything near that spectrum, again?”
I Am Reminded
“Of specifics in how I made it through past versions of rough patches.
I did not want a refresher – yet more advanced course in this.
‘No Sir…don’t like it.'”
I Hate It
“Wearing the poverty cap.”
Laughter In The Dark
“I see younger couples carrying their toddlers for distance – and even a single mom with like a 6 year old as she carried a cumbersomly frontloaded baby carrier with a newborn in it.
My muscle synapsis scream as I phantom flex remembering how I, too, used to do such things.
And all I can think of while viewing these still-resourced wonders is, “Why aren’t you utilizing strollers and carts?”
Damage Control
“What is that again, exactly?:
I Am
“Liking these curls, though!”
For A Moment
“I can stand straight – because I fight hard every day to regain such brief moments.”
You Know
“It’s kind of shitty having disability.
I already knew this from caring for others outside of it.
But gee, look – now I get to have the same prize!”
A Woman’s Reality
“I need to be provided for.
Not just want, now – but need.
Where’s pride and safety come in?”
Tired Thematics
Unrequieted love
Injuries twisting pain
Financial instability
Candid Corvid Productions 