“What is a life like?
Distant brief memories taunt as haunt.”
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Struggle
“‘Brings down the walls of pride,’ state lyrics from a religious song.
‘Middle fingers in the air,’ if that’s the type of god we must endure – giving me more and more crisis to bear (all of us, for that matter).
No ‘free will’ kept promises, here – just mixed-messaging lashes and unconsentual bondage.”
(Dark Signs – Sleep Token)
Basic Need
“And I hate what I’ve become, every time I wake up.”
—
(Sleep Token lyrics)
Dems Da Breaks
“I don’t really see how it’s functionally possible for me to ‘be with’ anybody.
I’m struggling around so many factors.
Ahhh-hahaaaaa…”
Ship On Fire
Even though her ship was taking on water
She knew it would hold if she managed it
Long enough to get the others to safety
Yet even though she knew their plight
Having survived her own as parent
It still hurt she’d be left stranded
—
(Paragraph lools like the prow of a ship :D)
I’ve Said This Before
“Once again, construction site low, high intensity rumbles are taking place next to my home with rarity in stopping as tractors plow and reshape the landscape.
Last year is was one lot, and now another.
The waves hit harder through the body.”
You Know…
“I don’t like needing to ride in the wheel chair through the vast hospital halls, but it is kind of fun to be wooshed along.
Though it’s best if I have my sunglasses on so that other people can’t see that I’ve been crying.”
Medication
“As good as this one diverts the pain, it makes my tissues swollen.
I’m looking for a cure – not more alterations.”
Body Image
“I greatly dislike that effects of the injuries have firmly deposited me into middle-aged image classifications – as if I’ve been a dumpy, inattentive non-participant in my life.
My many efforts are barely reflected.”
Wow – Results!
“I flexed into my ribs for back, front, and sides all around with a softened smaller basket ball like we used to play ‘fodge’ to.
I lay upon it in yoga, stretch, etc., positions, gently rocking into it while attempting to correct the enforced upper stomach bulging still clamped from the accident.
I guess enough time since the accident has brought some settling in my system, allowing my efforts to at last bring results.
Because even though I can feel the torsion spasming trying to come back, I am able to briefly pull those upper ab muscles inward again!”
New Findings
“As I work with a mini foam roller, it becomes apparent that there are other regions of my spine that are not just referred pain zones that doctors keep claiming, despite symptoms that I have explained to them.”
Dear Alex,
“I am discouraged, though, that numbness is spreading and becoming more prevalent down my arms.
Maybe it’s because of the increased pushing to survive that I’ve been doing.
Stopping my work did not bring more rest.
Rather, I’ve been launched into more intensity struggles against the injuries.”
Dear Alex,
“I tried a new anti-inflammatory yesterday, and despite its tranking my brain, it actually interrupted the throbbing pain in my spine!
But I am not sure that I should rely on it – become dependent.
And the haggard lines on my face today…are they from the med messing with me?
Or is this what’s hiding underneath the facade of endurance, and relief from the med allows this to come through?”
A Moment’s Breath
On the elliptical
A moment sane
Inside core happy
Caught up to self
Two weeks of dry
Almost lost more
But a beloved gifted
P drink & saved gym
Both helping to
Regulate stress
In this gambit to
Remain housed
Fun
“Waiting in the food bank line.”
The Final Countdown
“Deadlines for obtaining stability retention supports are this Friday.
Oohhhhhhhh!”
(See song)
High Hopes (As In, Am I?)
“It is my hope that as I continue to work out, my tissues will realign and regain their fascial tensility.
I think this as I throw a pillow sheet into the hamper at distance – and feel my left pec flex, which was not throwing, rather than the right one, which was.
What is going on in my muscular systems?”
Dear Alex,
“I hate what pain does to me.”
(Jaws – Sleep Token)
Pain’s Rage
“Of course when the vise is twisting, I want to go after who did this to me.”
Hell
Nerve-compression migraine
Lack Of Buffers
“I value autonomy in that it keeps people out of my business and retains dignity.
Having to explain and prove my circumstances to qualify for assistance increases the feeling of vulnerability.
I know that connection could expand feeling part of community.
I just prefer participating on more equal terms.”
Networking
Switching modalities and focus
What triumph can I pull together?
(Memory – Alex LeMirage)
Neurofeedback
“I had my first session today, desperate to move my body into any sort of positive healing.”
Captain’s Creed
“If I my ship is going down, I must make sure that the others can make it to safety.”
Is That The Plan?
“Throwing myself at options until something sticks?”
I Try To Tell Myself
It’s ok…it was all a gamble
Got me this far as shamble
Bread Winner
“That used to be me – by ingenuity.”
HyperVigilance
That which I’ve reclaimed
Over and over and over is
Held by the refusal
To let myself forget
“Head Trauma”
Lapse Of Reason
Any success seems momentary
As expends and then falls apart
(Title of multiple meanings)
Behind The Curve
“How can one catch up if the marker keeps moving ahead?”
Closed Loop System
“Dead ends all around.”
Responsibilty
“No one is responsible for me – except maybe the person who hit me and caused these disabilities.
But frankly, I just want the cures with healing and return of my capabilities.
Can I have this, please?”
I Guess They’ll Believe Me
“If I’m out on the streets…
I won’t go into a shelter.
Believe me.”
Agency Help
“Well…could you get another job?”
(What do you think I’m doing here?)
(Reasons – Dennis Lloyd)
No
“I don’t want to go down this slippery slope to disability.”
(Vore – Sleep Token)
Screaming
Inside
Air Flow
“It is one thing to choose to rest and settle…”
(Lose Yourself Again – Mansionair)
Hssssss – Haaates It!
“I do not like turning clients away (with referrals, of course) and being unable to help them!”
Falling
“With style!”
—
(From the movie, “Toy Story”)
It’s Too Late For Me Now
“I am altered.”
—
(Sleep Token “Alkaline” reference)
Hidden Measures
Limited independence
Unable to earn income
Yet plenty of struggle
Doing simplest tasks
One movement creates
Several parts against it
Muscles bend beyond
Normal planed edges
Or lock up rigid tight
Defying functionality
High Standards
“I’m ‘so done.’
And the fact that I’m so weary has got me irritated because I used to produce much more output.”
Cancellation Clause
“You can do anything you set your mind to…”
(Unless you have brain injury)
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