Category: Where Demons Tread

“It’s important to note that just as healing begins, sh** comes out of the woodwork.

Then comes the suggestion, ‘Burn it all down’ – but action must be tempered with wisdom.”

How do we approach
What our hearts’ desire

When between man and woman
Churns burning ash of political ire

All the way back to the losses of Eden
We’ve been told we must be enemies

Except where our ancestors
Lived as one with the trees

How do we heal these wounds
Passed onto us by persecution?

How do we transform the fear
Waiting to distort truth in us

—

(I love the title reminding of the serpent, the taboo of knowledge, awareness, and passion – yet in goddess and other cultures, the serpent represents life, itself)

The days and nights are long
Stretching ahead and behind

Remembering faintly family
And brief taste of the divine

In an awkward twenty years
Discordance resulted in tears

Desires of hoped for future
Stuffed behind paper books

A brief segment in time
Was a life bud’s wealth

Fleeing from other history
Where savagery was dealt

Adjusting solitude phases
To continue on in stealth

Unsure now how to reach
Safe harbor’s destination

You speak of silence
Do you always hear?

I often “feel” echos of
Untamed impressions

“My heart wants to be there with you.

I wish you the best in all things.”

Fragmented
Battling

“Seeking knowledge needs to be found by easier channels when the vines ahead start getting thicker, and injured arms just don’t have ability to keep wieldng a machette.”

“I did much preparation for this quarter’s classes, and as there were no software requirements noted in the syllabus, I had invested in Ableton for my DAW and textbook materials.

But then, the instructor decided to require use of Pro Tools for both classes once we got going.

‘Just convert your files into Pro Tools once completed.’

And then, ‘actually, we are going to focus on Pro Tools as the main DAW.’

Well, my installation of Pro Tools got borked, and computer system management not being my forte, the instructor was going to help me troubleshoot issues.

And then, I realized that with my TBI I cannot learn two systems at the same time – and thus began scrambling midstream to see if I could return the one digital text for the other book copy.

I haven’t even begun the process, which will delay proceeding even longer in coursework due to shipping from out of state because the bookstore does not have a digital Pro Tools book version.

And further today, the instructor anounced that he will not be continuing teaching this spring – after I had at last felt I had found congruency in our communications.

We will now have someone else teaching both classes that I have no connection with and have to again deal with TBI resistance as I redo my entire foundational approaches.

It’s a good thing that I signed up for pass/no pass, but at this point – and with finances imploding – I am not sure what I will be able to get accomplished in these courses.

And quite frankly, I feel like quiting.”

“Clients keep canceling due to their own circumstances, while I am left floundering like a fish out of water.”

It can feel like this
Cells always aching

Counting down to cutoff
Purely for self preservation

Getting ready for lockdown
To stop soul from bleeding

Out those last vestiges of hope
Without which all will ever be lost

“Something has got my system jacked.”

“It is strange how when others feel threatened, they judge and condemn.”

“No other way that I’m getting through this.”

“Nothing to lose, and everything to gain.”

(Slow, chortling-fun laughter)

“I am so exhausted…I had to always conjure my inner light to fight back their encroaching darkness.”

“I had thought that I was supposed to avoid you – though I longed to welcome and embrace you. I am sorry for this past misunderstanding between us.”

“No matter how I try to overcome it, my dark side is a baseline I must always contend with.

And I’m beginning to realize that it is why I have been self isolating more, when I long so much for the warmth of sunlight.

This eclipse taking over my soul has become more insistent – likely because I kept trying to sweep it under the carpet.

Because I thought that “healing” meant discarding it – and from past experience in partnership, it was not honored, valued, nor seen as valid.

And for the first time, I begin to wonder if maybe it’s no longer necessary to cut off the limbs that make me a whole and amazing person.”

Oh, sh**!
I can’t physically jump
Or swing across gaps
Like I used to before!

Hittin’ you back like that
Shakin’ my falterin’ track

Not sure what I’m doin’
Temptin’ a hungry tiger

Though she displayed her brightest colors
By reflecting light from the afternoon sun,

It was night that always returned to cover
As if with a blanket, no matter the weather.

Take me in your arms
So that I may sleep

For I’ve been too long
Bereft without them

“When I was a child, my dreams were full of nightmares, and there was no one I could relate to…just the silent void magnifying absence of any congruency around me.”

That call, how she’d yearned
To hear it again – demanding.

“I dreamed about you recently, as if for the first time we were meeting, and I was walking through those open office cubicles set up inside of a hospital treatment region.

You were passing through them, too, at a diagonal coming toward me to set our paths near-crossing by necessity of your weaving through the angled maze in seeking to exit.

And as our eyes met in that sidelong, cautionary sounding that only introverts are want to do, questions always silently broadcasting passed between us and at last received their unexpected answers.

You stopped still and looked straight at me.

I slowed to pause – and then turned toward you in a rare moment of my own heart’s adventurous daring.

As I approached slowly and came right up to look into your guarded eyes, I could see in your own moment of rare sharing deep blue fathoms of internal realms where whole worlds were overlapping and colliding.

You told me you’d get off work, soon, and said it would be around 9:30pm – as you then moved gently away quickly, altering direction originally intended, as distancing.

Disappearing through a door while not dressed like any of the personel, I could not easily further track you in my sensory awareness.

Something inside me had awakened upon our connecting, but I did not know if you’d really meet me – or if I had startled you and you had said that so that you could dissolve back into protective scenery.

Memories of your eyes tell of a quest for love so immense, as I’ve also been seeking.”

“Reaching for pre-sliced cheese from the refrigerator door.”