As Aquarian-Pisces
Ever have I hefted
Burdens’ understanding
Gathering souls in need
And carrying their hearts
To pools of greater safety
Yet if my own soul reveals
Who would carry me well
Safe and secure if I am
Both water and vessel?
Am I A Vessel?
Against my instincts
To be possessed, yet
Transgresions unwarranted
Bombard senses unchecked
How I wish they would get out of the way
Maybe if I wasn’t always fighting for pay
I can’t delve into leaping just splayed
With no safety net set up to catch me
I always carried all of the responsibility
Disrupted by accident into disharmony
With pain screaming just let the music out
Mind-numbing shuffling as cave into doubt
Struggling with cycles’ constant decaying
Why can’t the damn structures restabilize?!
Artistic Block
Pressing against walls
So close but no entry
Must I take a mallet
And pulverize blocks?
Is it me or the process
Without keys to locks?
Why is it important that
Interference must halt?
Am I goddess to be trifled with
Would worlds shift off-balance?
Open doors energetic bastards
Let my creative ventures flaunt!
Dear Friend
“My heart wants to be there with you.
I wish you the best in all things.”
Awwww
Rising Star
“I’ve decided that I shall become Phoenix again in the fall for a then venue event.”
Split Infinity
Fragmented
Battling
At Some Point
“Seeking knowledge needs to be found by easier channels when the vines ahead start getting thicker, and injured arms just don’t have ability to keep wieldng a machette.”
A Crumbling Support System
“I did much preparation for this quarter’s classes, and as there were no software requirements noted in the syllabus, I had invested in Ableton for my DAW and textbook materials.
But then, the instructor decided to require use of Pro Tools for both classes once we got going.
‘Just convert your files into Pro Tools once completed.’
And then, ‘actually, we are going to focus on Pro Tools as the main DAW.’
Well, my installation of Pro Tools got borked, and computer system management not being my forte, the instructor was going to help me troubleshoot issues.
And then, I realized that with my TBI I cannot learn two systems at the same time – and thus began scrambling midstream to see if I could return the one digital text for the other book copy.
I haven’t even begun the process, which will delay proceeding even longer in coursework due to shipping from out of state because the bookstore does not have a digital Pro Tools book version.
And further today, the instructor anounced that he will not be continuing teaching this spring – after I had at last felt I had found congruency in our communications.
We will now have someone else teaching both classes that I have no connection with and have to again deal with TBI resistance as I redo my entire foundational approaches.
It’s a good thing that I signed up for pass/no pass, but at this point – and with finances imploding – I am not sure what I will be able to get accomplished in these courses.
And quite frankly, I feel like quiting.”
(Holy Water – Sevendust)
Comparisons
“I sobbed to my youngling afterward (who fortunately is also an artist in their own right) about immediate comparisons of myself to others who are not even like me.
Artistic leaping with crash-and-burning.”
Wild Leaps
“I mean, why be gradual when there’s great distance to suddenly cover?
And, of course, now my voice is fried.”
Why The Difference?
“When I sing in the shower and go subconscious depths, my voice is smooth and harmonizes deftly laumching into ethereal extremes.
But when I try to do so sitting and dry throated, I can belt out the power, but the warbles and breaks in frequency are daunting.
Plus, because I’m recording, there is the option of someone eventually hearing.
I guess I’m just meant to sing out powerfully and privately into the Great Abyss…
Maybe it’s also because my voice is captured alone, outside of context.”
(I Want You – Vandelux)
(I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Sleep Token, From The Room Below)
Empty Tanks
“Clients keep canceling due to their own circumstances, while I am left floundering like a fish out of water.”
Silence
“I have asked of men for their truest love, and none have given me the answer.”
Vulnerability
“I dislike no longer getting to wear my ring.
Am I just supposed to let my finger be bare?
Having lost its symbolic pure blue-lustered labrodorite last night reminds me of when my pendant’s chain broke suddenly, exactly when it was time to allow my Z her passing.
‘Circles must open to release what’s been contained, and to allow new love to enter.'”
“Don’t Leave Me”
Said too many partnered beloveds
Only to have their hearts not return
From embittered battles answered
And thus evolved women deciding
If no alternative to war’s bloodshed
They would fight beside their men
(Drift – Kasbo)
“Losing sense of who you are. I want you, still.”
Recompense
“If lost love can lead us into despair,
New-found love can lead us out of it”
Re “Warnings To Romantics”
“Remember, we get to write our own stories, together.”
“Do You Like Me?” Movie: 500 Days Of Summer
Haven’t seen it, yet.
Now Or Never
It can feel like this
Cells always aching
Counting down to cutoff
Purely for self preservation
Getting ready for lockdown
To stop soul from bleeding
Out those last vestiges of hope
Without which all will ever be lost
Insomnia
“Something has got my system jacked.”
Bad-A**!
All-In
“People criticize those who take the wild leap and commit. But how else are we to discover if potential is real?”
Feverish Dreams
There is a time and place
Where hopes and dreams
Meet after desolation can
No longer bear repeating
Queen’s Consort
Whether you are
To be mine or not
We share understanding
Of rare and sacred ways
And visions of places
Now so far ago distant
And when your heart calls out
Mine understands the answer
Mayhap we are from a time
More people used to know
But just because they have forgotten
Does not mean we must also forego
The Feminine Energy That Heals A Man’s Soul
Shame
“It is strange how when others feel threatened, they judge and condemn.”
End Of An Era
No longer could she camouflage
By hiding in daylight her status
For the betrothel ring
She’d bought herself
To bide years alone
Today lost its stone
(Something Just Like This – The Chainsmokers & Coldplay)
In A Dream State
“No other way that I’m getting through this.”
Nourishing Love
The Magic Genie
Trying To Clean While Listening To “Even In Arcadia” By Sleep Token
Rock Bottom
“Nothing to lose, and everything to gain.”
(Slow, chortling-fun laughter)
Inner Scapes
“That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!”
Ack! Cookies!
Left cooking too long in the oven past timer while distracted…definitrly overcooked, but maybe still edible.
Welcome to my world!
Beloved
“If I awaken, will you greet me?”
The Queen’s Cure
“Summon my voice from its sleep, and it will answer the call to freedom.”
Realms’ Honor
Though we were scattered
Our tribes became of many
We can speak to this now
For we share ancestors
Where before we couldn’t
Listen to each others’ truth
Sharing common language
Past blood feuds reconcile
As we have ever longed for
The same rewards of valour
Love’s Entreaty
Come to me now
Pledge your sword
To Love’s devotion
Harken to the sound
Of Angelic retribution
Their duties disrupted
We might be the wave
In absence of Rapture
Reclaimimg birthrights
Time is fragile as it delays
Enacting portals’ closures
For lines’ self preservation
We think we could be the last
But hidden throngs are many
Ready to reclaim our freedom
Souls yearning
To hear the calls
Of Re-Awakening
Allies
DNA memories
Passed onward
Into human bodies
Without any choice
Tearing at synapses
Manipulating courses
We never had any pain
So no point of reference
To understand the violence
Except as insane affectations
How could Elders forbid
Intervention if they knew?
How could our warriors
Slash bone into hewn?
I am glad I took that leap
Though no way to prepare
As I fell into the traps
Like anyone who cares
And are you my companion
Dark knight along my side?
How we’ve suffered silence
Speaking language of tribes
Am I no longer alone here –
Are we of same intentions?
You who have conquered millions
While embattled I am still tending
Battle Grounds
“I am so exhausted…I had to always conjure my inner light to fight back their encroaching darkness.”
Dear Friend
“I had thought that I was supposed to avoid you – though I longed to welcome and embrace you. I am sorry for this past misunderstanding between us.”
Dark Side Of The Moon
“No matter how I try to overcome it, my dark side is a baseline I must always contend with.
And I’m beginning to realize that it is why I have been self isolating more, when I long so much for the warmth of sunlight.
This eclipse taking over my soul has become more insistent – likely because I kept trying to sweep it under the carpet.
Because I thought that “healing” meant discarding it – and from past experience in partnership, it was not honored, valued, nor seen as valid.
And for the first time, I begin to wonder if maybe it’s no longer necessary to cut off the limbs that make me a whole and amazing person.”
Unavoidable Impacts
“While it was happening, I would grapple the consequences absorbing into my being from the negative messages and influences.
Everything was about regaining any sense of self afterwards as the blows kept coming to topple any sense of internal balance.
I was determined to not become like any of them – committed to not passing on the infection to further generations.
But the car accident blew apart the partitions behind which the damage from hits were quardened off in me.
And it turns out, there may also be a direct link to a recently-remembered extreme past life trauma that got carried into this life, whereas usually we can at least have separation by time’s generational barriers.”
Candid Corvid Productions 