Candid Corvid Productions

“The truth is, looking back, I’ve apparently never been given a very good offer.

When younger, love was so rare that when a glimmer of it arrived, I grabbed on tight, did my best to keep nourishing it, and ‘made the most of things.’

But now I know what kinds of damage that lack of reciprocation can actually render, and it becomes undeniably clear that there are no real options for me to currently invest in.

The blinders have been torn off for some time, now – and as my once ever-overflowing-despite-any-challenges optimism finally dwindles out from fatigue, I survey the wrecked fields that I’ve been left with and think to myself, ‘I need a better view.'”

He had drawn her back into believing their love was at last rekindling, and although things still felt off, he seemed to be trying.

But then, as she encouraged him to express his feelings, trying to be supportive as she’d always been, it at last came out that he was just using her to make sure how he felt about another woman he’d been seeing.

“I think that when a man chooses an alcoholic, disabled prostitute over the vital woman who did everything she could to help him rebuild his life while providimg a family and developing herself competently leaves a debilitatingly negative impact upon the woman’s self esteem, sense of self worth, and overall confidence that she could ever be desireable to anyone – especially when she keeps encountering ignorantly shallow men who take her for granted.”

Something about the sanctity of pair bonding would not permit her to keep from speaking truth when she found herself tangled up in another shallow relationship.

She experiened spliced-together snippeted dreams of types of roles that men could be in for her, but the one that lingered most strongly was the feel of one man’s fingers interlaced tightly with hers in a promise to be there always.

“A friend told me that good guys get taken quick, once they are ‘out on the market.’

But, I’m not going to go out there and flaunt myself to gain someone’s attention.”

As he left again abruptly, wrapped in the cloak of self-serving indignation, Spring extended its grace to give her shelter to overcome wintering sorrows.

“Having observed how so many people selfishly and negatively take advantage of others to gain only temporary satisfaction has, I think, unnecessarily contributed to my state of being in near-perpetual self reevaluation, bordering upon self criticism.”

“It is better to be without a partner…I still have so much to grow into…”

“Take my talent seriously and view it as legit.”

“He’s out there ‘playing the field’ bdcause he thinks he has time to waste.

I already invested in “one love” and lost.

Connection isn’t a game to me.”

“Do all of these negative experiences define me as they damaged confidence?

Or is my merit weighed best by how I worked hard to and finally overcome them?”

“A woman will stay in a marriages devoid of mutual love longer than she should because it has been the safest place that she’s known after a life filled with abuse, neglect, and trauma.”

“I had not realized until now why I had developed food insecurity and aversion to cleaning dishes since we arrived in State.

It was becauss we had just come from an extreme power abuse situation living with an ex-family member where this matriarch terrorized us whenever we tried to use the kitchen.

I remember that to avoid her wrath, I had to keep our lovely dishes that got used out in the side yard, where they were rained on and got filled with mold and maggots.

I had to wait for when she rarely left the house and then tackle-clean the horrendous mess – and this also explains why my kid later had aversion to helping me with our dishes.

Further, to avoid the woman’s attempts to control, manipulate, chastise, and belittle, I stopped desiring or needing to cook and barely ate anything.

It has taken seven years for the trauma to begin releasing so that I can see it clearly.”