Candid Corvid Productions

A song by Stephen Stills that is so powerfully beautiful in its manifestation of the sense of love, yet its overall message promotes infidelity.

Honestly, it hurts.

I can perceive so much and yet feel the vast emptiness.

There is no answering call.

No conversations to fill and grow my mind.

I am starved.

Not desperate – although the hunger could drive me to be.

Just craving.

Needing.

Wanting.

That right kind of interaction that satisfies.

Yearning.

It is amazing how much negative messaging we have been fed to persuade our feeling bad about wanting to have and experience real connection.

I am withdrawing from the dating sites because A) I do not like getting locked into paying for a service that does not guarantee results nor quality, and B) I am not a person who is part of the mainstream’s common reality.

The few men that I have desired and loved have been less than fulfilling relationships for me.

I valued the quality of their individuality, did not select for flexibility, and was denied nourishment.

Online dating is not my group of peeps.

“… a genus of American perennial herbs (family Nyctaginaceae) having a tubular-campanulate brightly colored calyx subtended by an involucre that resembles a …”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Mirabilis#:~:text=%3A%20a%20genus%20of%20American%20perennial,calyx%20see%20four%2Do’clock

Open and honest communication, passion for embracing life complexities, and affectionate bonding are things I am into. Monogamy is my default setting: looking for like-minded unicorn. I play lap drums, art out a bit, photograph cloud creatures, and write poetic musings. Healer class.

I have not agreed with the belief that bad things need to happen to people in order for them to learn.

I have always been open to learning, and bad things happening have not enhanced my life in any way, shape, or form.

Therefore, the only conclusion I can make about my path having been full of bad things is that I must have been taking a short cut through the brambles to get here.

My intuition must have had a very good reason.

“She’s a Dime,” means “She’s ‘A Perfect Ten.'”

A compliment given to me once several lifetimes ago.

But unfortunately, another saying goes, “A dime a dozen.”

Survival fatigue.

I wanted my ex-husband to be happy.

I gave everything I could to help him overcome his/our difficulties, but he wasn’t.

Then in a dream last night, he called me on the phone to come over and meet his new, younger girlfriend (dream, not reality).

His elation and captivation with her emanated through the airways with such purity that his feelings were infectious.

I could feel my spirit expanding with love at the fact that my dearest wish was coming true – my once-beloved was at last experiencing supreme, unfettered joy and was sharing it with me.

But wait.

Record scratch.

It was technically at my expense.

He was discarding me.

Trading me.

In self defense, I began yelling.

I was then pulled into that situation and made to experience their perfect bond sensorily, so I began fighting back, emotionally.

And the corruption of that perfect moment for them caused her to go away and destroyed what they had briefly gained.

And now we were all left with nothing.

For he still did not want me.

And I was still hurt and angry.

Well then, “F*** It.”

Let them be happy.

My hair’s true color begins to come through again as with every shampoo the dye washes free by degrees.

I only use temporary because my many phases need freedom of their turns as a part of my reemerging.

“The number 1144 meaning combines stability, prosperity, love, freedom and the ability to trust yourself.”

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/1144-angel-number#:~:text=But%20overall%2C%201144%20is%20a,and%20trust%20in%20the%20universe.

I get a day off at a woman’s retreat!

It is nice being in a community where I am appreciated.

Can be seen as foolish.

Taking time to apply a seat cover, and half of it falls into the toilet bowl.

(Deadpan – near literally, lol!)

She wanted to love
And to be loved.

(Title play with words)