Category: Altered States
On Some Level
“I must know that I am good enough – even though I do not feel that I am good enough.
It is harsh to keep having what few externals that I had felt proud of exhibiting being taken away.”
Close Enough To Touch
She had loved being able to breathe in his scent, and had forgotten that that was an essential element in bonding relationships.
—-
(Neurofeedback altered states internal experience as if in a waking drean)
(Crumblin’ Down – John Mellencamp)
I Don’t Want To Be
“Dependent upon help from society.
Remember how I’ve been consigned for ages as an outlier?
Well the side benefit of this was my autonomy and independence!
My pride and self manifestation!”
Neural Healing
Recognition
It’s Like This
Right Now
(Hold On – Triumph)
Thematics
She saw a sign saying”Bernard Malamud, ‘A New Life,’ and recognized that a new life was what she was indeed heading toward.
But she didn’t want to read the book because she was tired of so much messaging pounding upon her from every angle to get her to let it have its influence.
The title itself enough reinforced the truth of what she was wrestling with – for certainly, there was no going back to what she’d had or was before.”
What?
“What do you want?”
(Heart racing and confused)
Heart–Wake
She was dozing, trying the fall asleep, when suddenly directly in front of her a huge black wolf snarl-lunged as it loudly barked with challenging admonishment toward and back away from her face with jaws wide open baring fangs to make sure that it had captured her attention while directly staring into her eyes.
Her heart and body jumped, startling her awake from this sudden vision.
(Rest Easy – Nimino)
(Locked Out Of Heaven – Bruno Mars)
Trying To Heal
“Part of it is just tryimg to get into a comfortable position – and then letting the body shut down.”
I Saw “Signs”
“Yesterday, the sun and clouds blazed brilliant – as if sendings from God and/or the universe.
I have not posted photos, yet, because the visual impacts on my mind are a lot to unpack.
And I don’t understand why I see such things – as if granted a peak behind the veil, or a definite message to keep me going – but then my life returns to gray survival mundane modes.
What do I do with – what happens to that energy?
Does it restart my soul’s vibrations so that even when the mortality of me despairs, my soul somewhere, somehow ‘knows’ greater things are unfolding and gains renewed purpose, so I will keep going?
Because I can say that right now, the mortality in me is very much too tired and 8 with these patterns of struggling.”
(No Stopping The Sea – Hammock, The Sleepover Series Volume I))
Hysterics
“It’s never going to get better – is it?!
It’s always going to hurt.
I’ll just get hurt again.
And I’ll always be screaming inside when any movement I do is trying to tear me apart – over and over, again!”
(Fore – Liquid Pennies, Full Album)
On The Edge
Wish I waa stoned
Glad that I am not
(Roots – Klur)
“Reality”
She was reinjured and caught within a next level pain trap attempting to break down her ability to reclaim independent functioning.
Why was she being interfered with?
Why was she being pounded upon?
This was no way to garner her submission!
I’d Like To Say
“Back to normal – but ‘normal’ is constant adaptation to extremes.
So if this is the case, can we have some fun with it, please?”
(Analog Reverie – FallingSky)
They Could’ve Just Asked Me
“The fall’s effects could be seen as an extra layer of deterent toward continuing with school.
But I was already looking at this regarding winter and spring, considering other priorities.”
Integration
“Routines…
They will coax my body back into a sense of normalcy – even if ‘normalcy’ can only ever be ‘temporary.'”
(In The City – Eagles)
Made It!
“Mission Accomplished.”
(Silly Love Songs – Wings)
Carefully Winding
“I’ve been taking my time in order to track my safety’s condition.
Eyes are beginning to twitch and pain is returning – time to spread my wings!”
(For The Breakdowns – Afternoon Bike Ride)
Two Sutures
“A misinterpreted establishment’s name of ‘Two Brothers’ as passing by through the sun’s glaze.
Ler’s me know that my brain’s addlement still likes to get me with its mirth flowing.”
(Thriller 7″ – Michael Jackson, Special Edit)
Adrenaline
“Certain parts of this town have real, driver a**holes who feel unrighteously self-entitled as they attempt to push the rest of us into harm’s way to assert their own ego-based narcissistic ventures.”
Unquaivering Quivering
“Ummm…yeah…
Hard to keep stability, thus hard to feel stabile – but I’m doin’ my best.
Pretty sure the new head injury is contributing.”
Bad-A**
“There are many reasons that I walk slowly with dense purpose…”
Puffy Eyes
“Ah, yes…
Another episode in the soap opera, ‘Days Of Our Lives…’
‘Tell me, doctor – is she going to live?'”
(Leave It – YES)
Layers
“Of injuries, what can be said?”
Warmth
“The sun is out for a moment, basking my left shoulder, neck, and face with its healing rays – penetrating to wounds with its forgiveness.”
On The Road Again
“At least I have a chance to make it home – if I can stay ahead of the pain.
Not sure about school this week, though.”
Honesty
“When I was in the E.R. in pain and frightened, I just told the universe my reason for livimg was to see you again.
That’s when I felt all of those healing hands – which strangely seemed unrelated and felt like a coincidence in timing.”
Momentary Reprieve
“I beat back upon the pain last night to early morning hours from so many angles, and ot finally backed off so I could sleep around 4 or 5am.
The head impact compression distributed into flanged and twisted head and neck bone attachments down into right shoulder deep imbedment, as well as brain swelling inflammation was hard to counteract without ice or medication.
OMG – everything was swollen and not happy!”
Tethered Anchor
I will bind my pain to yours and
Pull you to the other side with it
Is It Not Enough?
That we have suffered
And survived suffering
And continue surviving?
(Telomeres – Sleep Token)
Dear Friend,
My love for you softens me
But the pain contort-bends
The Core Of Pain
Is full of molten screaming
No mortal may survive in it
Proving therefore of divinity
I Think That
“I just cannot handle additional levels of pain to the load that I’ve already been carrying..”
Candid Corvid Productions 